The Anwer to Yesterday’s Puzzler

...is illustrated in the spine-tingling detail below:

The route by which I escaped

Now for the narrative: After about five minutes of repeatedly testing the door, searching around for a fellow human being who might help me, and looking at that those slick-rusty-filthy bars with dread fear, I screwed up the courage to go for it. I laid sideways on that slim, wet bit of ledge that supports the metal grating and wriggled my way around the outside base of the bars. To get my head thru, I had to ease downward off the edge of the balcony. On the way out the other side, I had to lower my ass and legs off the ledge into thin air.

I bring up this story of selfish heroism for two reasons: A) It scared the shit out of me, and B) the first thing I did afterward was head downstairs to the front desk to ask for a new key. So there I was, wide-eyed and wet as hell. And I said, “You wouldn’t believe what just happened to me! I accidentally locked myself out of that corner room on the top floor—you know it, don’t you? tell me you do, you sick son-of-a-#^$*!—and my only way to escape was to crawl around the underside of that @$&%! prison-bars-barrier you guys have going up there! I thought I was gonna kill myself!”

His answer: Pause. “Uh. Yeah.” Pause. “That’s an interesting story.”

So I made him come upstairs with me and I pushed him off the balcony.

BTW, in response to a few questions, I took that picture after I got back in my room. I only wish I had a video of me doin’ the escape. I swear, I was like Snake-Man! You know, like in that famous cartoon song: “Snah-ake-Man, Snah-ake-Man. Doin’ the things only a desperate hope-nobody’s-watching, slithering-weird-wet-dude, fearful-for-his-life snah-ake can!”

And then I wrote that puzzler post. And then I went to bed. Now you know everything.

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Comments

  • Interesting Story

    I figured you screamed like a banshee until someone, who was annoyed enough at the noise, opted to let you in so that they could kill you.

    However, the story is worth it to see that cool arrow you used to illustrate your escape.

  • Narrow escape…

    The parkour guys on YouTube make moves like that look look so easy.

    Good thing they didn’t add that last bottom bar.

  • Hero….

    Deke… I always knew you had something special in you… I just never thought it was that crazy nearly suicidal tendy to lock yourself on a balcony and lack the patience to safely wait for someone to help you….

    But no… the hero in you just thought that being that crazy would give you something to talk about on my birthday and thus, giving me a few minutes of fun in my long and boring day at work.

    Now THAT is being a real friend… risk your life to entertain another.

    Deke for president!!!!!

  • Nice one Deke

    What would have made this an even better story is if you went outside to take a picture of the bars to show everyone and locked yourself out again. Of course you had your phone but you still would have to experience the desk guy’s response when you told him that you just did it again. Im sure that would be along the lines of “That is interesting…”

  • Holiday Inn Needs to change those locking mechanisms!

    I love Ventura - I spent 40 years [I wish I could go back] there so I am well-acquainted with the Holiday Inn by the beach.  It seems odd to put an automatic lock on a patio door without some way of summoning help in case of an emergency.  Even a simple buzzer on the patio would be a boon.  At least you made it off the patio, in the rain around rust encrusted bars, in one piece.  If I were you, I would lodge a strong complaint.


  • Wow, some story!

    Wow, some story!

  • Neah, they’re really nice people here

    I didn’t throw that guy off the balcony either. He’s okay. I remember my first doobie.

    No automatic locking. I think I slammed the door too hard or somethin’. Really dunno. Just glad it wasn’t one of the internal balconies. I would’ve been screwed.

  • Damn, I should’ve SO done that!

    He probably wouldn’t've remembered me tho. Probably woulda said, “D’oh, you’re the second guy who did that tonight,” and given me a new key to the same room. Without asking for my ID.

  • Dude, so wish I could do parkour

    If only I had been born 20 years later. It’s the stuff I dream of.

    Unfortunately, my attempts are more like those popularized by The Office.

  • hehe ;)

    ...at least life’s more interesting wink

    Funny story and I like the way you tell it.

  • Good Show

    Life becomes just that much more interesting when you have MacGuyver moments that you can recall. They usually occur when NO ONE is around to corroborate your statements but the rush of knowing “I did that…..and could’ve died!!” makes those stories worth embracing. Not to mention it’s an extension or real-time application of the problem solving skills you use daily when designing. It was a functional design because you didn’t end up making yourself a sidewalk splatter brush.

    Good Post! 

    Not a fan of bland…..