You cannot imagine how gruesome this training business is. There I was, at lynda.com, thinking I could record a few videos on the upcoming Photoshop Touch apps (which Adobe will release next month). The apps run on an iPad, which means my fingers will be up-close-and-personal on the screen. So one of my directors takes me aside and says, “You know, you’re going to be a hand model now. Which means you need a manicure. And maybe a pedicure, just to be safe.”

Then she adds, as if to delight my intrigue, “Oh, and BTW, you have to shave your hands.”

This last one surprised me. I mean, first, are we as a group officially acknowledging that I have hairy chimpanzee appendages? And second, do I honestly have to shave my wrists, hands, and knuckles? The answer: Oh yeah, baby. The outcome of which appears below.

Do you see that transition? From my natural happy-primate hair to the strangely troglodyte smooth skin? Isn’t it peculiar? I txt’ed a friend of mine that I felt like a bald cat. She responded, “Better: shaved pussy.” Same diff I guess.

You’ll be happy to know: I didn’t actually shave. I let the salon woman wax me. (Which was moderately thrilling, truth be told.) Later, I trimmed my arm hairs for a more natural transition.

But I’m so cold. And I can’t stop fondling my tingly skin. Believe me, it’s more than you want to know.